Saturday, April 7, 2012

[Pagan Blog Project] G is for God

(I missed the first week of ‘G’ because I was right in the middle of moving last Friday.  Quite literally, all my material possessions were being carried from the house to the truck that day.  I decided I would not miss this week, late or not, no matter what kind of chaos the move was causing in the new house.  J  )

Oddly enough, I’m going to start this Pagan post with a discussion of the Christian God.  No, I haven’t entirely missed the point.  It’s just that growing up as a female in the Catholic Church, I developed an antagonistic view of male gods in general.  Once I discovered Wicca and was free of that, of Him, it kind of backlashed and allowed me to really, truly hate Him, and in turn have difficulty with all other male deities.

And yet, I felt the need for balance.  I just couldn’t see myself on a Dianistic path.  For one thing, I wanted to follow a path my DH and I could walk together.  For another, I couldn’t see dismissing my DH, and every other male in my life, because I had problems with a god that just happened to be the same sex.  Not that the Dianistic tradition does that, as far as I know.  But it’s what I felt I would need to do if I chose to go that or a similar way.

So I had to find a way to come to terms with a penis on some of my deities.  It was hard (pardon the pun).  And I’m still not all the way there.  But it’s gotten better.  It took a lot of reading and study and meditation, but I can now love and admire and respect the Goddess’ consort almost as much as I do Her.  I can appreciate His value and yes, even His maleness.  I can praise Him and speak to Him in ritual and seek His help and guidance.  In turn, I find I don’t resent male gods in other pantheons, either.

As to my relationship with the Christian God, I don’t know.  Christians and their attitudes keep getting in the way.  Intellectually, I recognize He is just another aspect of THE God, but I still find it hard to keep resentment and anger out of my emotions when I think of Him.

Luckily, I don’t have to think of Him very often at all, anymore.

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