The Day After

Recovering well.  Tired, but no real pain.  Relieved it's over.

Trying Not To Fall Into a Black Hole

I'm not feeling this at all today. Yesterday was a spectacularly bad day, and I'm still feeling it. I consider it a major accomplishment to write this much today.

I've been having some health problems for a couple of months now, and they've been getting me very down.  I've been fighting to not fall into depression because of them. It's not just the problems directly, it's that I finally felt I was on the right track to losing all the weight I need to lose, and that's been totally derailed by the fact that I can't exert any effort without being physically ill.  I can't even mentally concentrate for very long without feeling nauseous.  It's not good for my mini-habits, either.

But after multiple appointments with multiple doctors, they finally think they've figured it out.  I'm having minor surgery next Tuesday which I very much hope will take care of it. That hope is the only thing keeping me from serious depression.

I've been crying frequently and easily, seeing the positive less and the negative more, not enjoying things like I had been, and so on.  It's just too easy to despair.

My DH has been completely wonderful and fully supportive.  I really don't know what I would have done without him.  I love you, Sweetie!

I realize this post is disjointed, but I just don't have the heart to try and clean it up.

Free Stuff

Since I've re-injured my knee AGAIN (this time with swelling and everything), I spent last week on the couch with my leg elevated.  Fun, fun, fun.  Not.  Working with a laptop actually on your lap is not the best way to work, and I got so sick of watching tv that I wanted to pull my hair out.

The knee is much improved this week--I can actually get around pretty well with a knee brace on it.  And, even better, I can sit up at the table for long periods of time, especially if I alternate elevating the leg on a chair and putting it down.  This means I can actually work and play on the 'net with relative ease.  Yay!

I've spent the last couple of days downloading free stuff off the web, from the Kindle Store over at Amazon, and from Microsoft.  The Microsoft stuff was pretty basic--I just discovered the joys of Microsoft OneNote, and I was busy downloading tons of notebook templates for it.  (And a bunch of Powerpoint and Word templates, too!)

The Kindle Store, however, was fabulous!  A friend of mine pointed out over Facebook that you could get Kindle for PC for FREE!  (Thanks, Sue!)  I also found out you can get a Kindle app for your iPhone or your Blackberry or just about anything else you can think of, all free.  The best thing, however, was all the free books you can download.  Most of them are older (like cookbooks or classic literature), or the first in a series, or some such, but still--plenty of reading material, and some really useful volumes besides!  (For you preppers out there, I found some great TEOTWAWKI materials.)

A word of warning to Canadians and anyone else not residing in the U.S.--You can only get the books at the U.S. Amazon site, and the prices are in U.S. dollars.  Also, not all volumes are available outside the U.S., and some of the ones that are available are at different, usually higher, prices.  Most particularly, some of the books that are free in the U.S. are NOT free if you live elsewhere.  All in all it wasn't too bad, though.

Especially worth it if you're somewhat bedridden, and not sick!

Still Blocked

As you can probably tell by how much I've slowed down in writing this blog, I'm continuing to have trouble with blocking.  I thought that making my Getting My Life in Order List would help, but it didn't.  I'm still stuck at the second item on the list:  learning to read tarot cards.  I don't think the list has been responsible, but I've gotten even worse.  I don't have the energy, the motivation, the willpower, or the even the desire to start things, and even if I do start them, I can't seem to finish them.  My problems with metal-poisoning-related fatigue made things worse, but they weren't the root cause.  And now that I'm feeling physically better, I'm noticing the psychological side of it more and more.  (I have looked into clinical depression, but I don't have any of the symptoms.)

In order to try and get out of my slump, I've started meditations on opening my chakras.  I feel as if they are ALL blocked, some of them more than others.  I've also, through a class I'm taking at The Magical Circle School, researched and found herbs that will help me work through this, in the form of incenses and bath herbs.  (Wood ruff, St. John's wort, cloves, and peppercorns to name a few.)  And this weekend, on the night of the full moon, I plan to cast a spell to help me further.

All of this seems to be helping, slowly.  It took an almost unimaginable amount of willpower to actually start the process, but bit by bit I seem to be improving.  I've turned in four assignments in three different classes this week, and finished the readings in another.  I've actually gotten out of bed before noon three times this week. 

Hopefully all THIS will do the trick.

Health Update

I received more information on my health problems earlier this week.  Still no definite word on whether I have Lyme Disease or not, but my bloodwork revealed other interesting/distressing/useful information.  Turns out that I have Heavy Metal Poisoning (Silver, mostly) which mimics LD and may be responsible for most or all of my symptoms.  This is combined with a very low amount of certain vitamins in my blood (D and B12) which help control heavy metal absorption.

The plan now is to treat the poisoning (with medication and natural supplements designed to  help release the metals) and then, if necessary, do further LD testing.  I'm going back in mid-December to see if the treatments are working before any decisions are made on how to proceed beyond that.

The big question is:  HOW DID I GET SILVER POISONING?  Sources of silver include consuming large quantities of seafood (I don't), working in metal and chemical processing industries, photographic processes, and jewelry making (I never have), living near coal-fired power plants (not to my knowledge) or being taking colloidal silver products (haven't). 

Silver is commonly found in hair dyes (which I have used on and off for the past two decades) and so commonly contaminates hair, but shouldn't effect you otherwise.  I also wear a silver chain and pentagram on a daily basis, but there has been no evidence that wearing silver jewelry can contaminate you in any way.

Nonetheless, I have somehow been exposed to excessive silver.  I also have higher than normal levels of softer metals such as aluminum and minerals (manganese, selenium, and zirconium).  All of this may be what has been wrecking my health more and more for the past two years, and acutely for the past four months.

Maybe now I can start making some progress on fixing it.

Lyme Disease in Canada

This is another post I didn't really want to write, but once again I've been stuttering in my posts because of avoiding it, so it's obviously something I need to get out.  And I need to do it whether or not it is very upsetting and very difficult to write.

I've been suffering unusually frequent and unusually serious diseases and conditions for the past two years or so.  I've been diagnosed with Clinical Depression, Anxiety Disorder, and, most recently, Fibromyalgia.  I've been asked if I've had a heart attack due to the damage around my heart.  (I haven't.)  And before my DH heard a life-changing story on the radio, I thought I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

These, and others*, are all diseases that Lyme Disease (LD) can mimic.  The Canadian Lyme Disease Foundation lists 76 symptoms associated with LD, many of them mimicking serious ailments, not all of which everyone gets.  The Foundation claims that if you have 20 or more you are at serious risk of having LD.  I personally have close to 30. 

Open and shut case, right?  Wrong.  LD is controversial worldwide.  Many doctors don't even recognize it as a disease.  Here in Canada, the problem is twofold--doctors are resistant to acknowledge the disease, and when they do agree to look into it, they only perform the first level standard test for LD, the notoriously inaccurate ELISA test.  Most of them won't even consider going on to more in-depth, more accurate tests.

The most common recommendation from patient advocates?  Send your blood to be tested in a private lab in the States.  The one I looked for performed five standard tests, continuing with another three if those were inconclusive.  The price is about $500 US, and we'll have to pay for it ourselves, but it would be worth it. 2nd recommendation?  See the one physician in all Ontario who is supposedly sympathetic to LD.

I was all set to try either of these recommendations when I ran into even more snags.  The LD sympathetic doctor needs a referral from my doctor to see me.  The lab in the States needs a request from a doctor to perform the tests, even if I'm the one paying for them.  Neither of these things was particularly a problem--my family physician is, for the most part, really cool, and I figured that even if she herself doesn't believe I have LD, she wouldn't stop me from pursuing it on my own.  So I call.  Or, rather, my DH calls, since one of my LD symptoms involves hearing problems.  At any rate, he finds out that I need to actually come in and see my doctor for either the referral or the request, it can't be done over the phone.  Okay.  No problem.  BUT, my doctor is leaving for vacation tomorrow, and I can't get an appointment to see her until SEPTEMBER 10!  Problem.  You see, I think I'm in Stage 2 of the LD, and I don't know how long I've got until I move to Stage 3, which has some potentially serious side effects such as permanent arthritis and heart problems. 

So, I took the Sept. 10th appointment, but in the meantime I will try and get an appointment with Dr. Maureen McShane, a New York physician who has had LD, and who doesn't require referrals.  She is actually the woman my DH heard on the radio, which led him to put it all together and propose to me that I might have it.


In closing, Dear Readers, beware--You can contract LD anywhere in North America.  The deer ticks that transmit it are also carried by birds, so you can be bitten even in the most urban areas furthest from known tick infestations  Less than 50% of people notice the tick that gave them LD, and only about 30% get the recognized "bull's eye" rash.  Stage 1 is relatively easy to treat, Stage 2 is debilitating and hard to diagnose, and Stage 3 is potentially life threatening.




*Juvenile Arthritis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Reactive Arthritis, Infectious Arthritis, Osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Raynaud's Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Interstitial Cystis, Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease, Fifth Disease, Multiple Sclerosis, scleroderma, lupus, early ALS, early Alzheimers Disease, crohn's disease, ménières syndrome, reynaud's syndrome, sjogren's syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, colitis, prostatitis, psychiatric disorders (bipolar, depression, etc.), encephalitis, sleep disorders, thyroid disease

Klutz

As those of you who know me personally are aware, I am the clumsiest person on the planet.  If any of you who don't know me play role-playing games, think of me as having a dexterity of about 10-20% under average.  Never mind walking across a flat surface--I have fallen and semi-seriously hurt myself just standing still.

I can't remember if the last injury was when I fell down the stairs and broke the rice maker or when I slipped on a discarded straw while getting into a bus seat, but the most current one happened today in my kitchen.  This is not entirely my fault.  I don't know what moron chose the tile for our kitchen, the tile which we couldn't afford to replace when we re-did the kitchen, but it is so slippery when wet that even sure-footed, athletic types have fallen on it.  Even the DOGS, on their four legs, fall on it.

Moving on--I was refilling the DWD (dog watering device), which with two Shilohs has to be done almost daily, and I didn't notice the very small puddle of water under my right Croc.  Two steps later, down I go.  Now, I COULD have stayed on my feet, but it would have meant putting all my weight on Lance's ribs.  In the split second I decided that was a bad idea, I realized that I was surrounded by two large puppies, and had no where else to conveniently put my foot.  So I over-reached, knocked over a kitchen chair (with the camera bag on it, no less), and fell smack on my knees.  Ouch.

As I sat on the floor, trying to recover, and trying not to cry (I'm a huge crybaby.), Lance came over, as he always does in these instances, to try and comfort me.  He puts his enormous head against me and just lets me lean on him.  And it works, too.  It's VERY comforting, and usually makes me feel a lot better. (While the noble Lance did this, the super-mischievous Kai took the opportunity to bite my hair, bite my clothing, and bite my hand.  I swear we should have named that dog Loki.)

Luckily, I wasn't too badly hurt.  Just two scraped-up and bruised knees.  Oh, and a bruised shoulder from where I hit the kitchen chair.  Still, it could have been worse, especially as I was home alone at the time.

Sigh.  It's time for more analgesics. 

Light at the End

Too tired.

Sorry, everyone.  I'm way too exhausted tonight to write any kind of real post.  On the plus side, I think I've figured out why I've been so tired lately.  I'm going to the doctor later this week to confirm, but I'm relatively certain I have Lyme Disease, and that I have had it for the past three years.