Kai and Vacation

For those of you waiting to hear, Kai went in for his biopsy yesterday.  The lump had neither grown nor shrunk since it was first discovered, so doing it was a no-brainer.  He was super-groggy last night, but is recovering today.  In fact at this point, he's almost completely back to normal.  (We'll find out the results of the biopsy next week.)

As to vacation, we had an amazing ten-day road trip out through Atlantic Canada and back through northern New England.  We didn't make it to Newfoundland and Labrador 'cause we ran out of time, but it was great regardless.  (We already have plans to fly to St. John's next summer to make up for missing it.)  The weather was atrocious--nothing like getting caught in an ocean gale on land--but SO many things made up for that.  On the way, I surprised myself by falling in love with Quebec, a place I thought I would hate.  I found out Prince Edward Island really is small.  I discovered that at least this year, the fall colors in Ontario were deeper and richer than the ones in Vermont. And that the woods in Maine really ARE creepy.

Also, as far as I can tell, there are absolutely NO moose anywhere in that part of the world, despite the road signs warning about them, which were legion in three of the four provinces we visited and all three states through which we passed.  We saw not a single one, and believe me we were driving down some pretty small back roads.  Maybe it's a case of being careful what you wish for, but to-date, the only moose we have seen in the wild have been in Alberta.

Now that I can sit up for longer periods of time, I'll discuss our trip in more detail over the next few days, and provide lots and lots more pictures. I haven't done either 'til now due to becoming very, very sick on the last day of said vacation, and not really feeling better until now.

I'll also update with Kai news as soon as we hear ourselves.

Kai Update (And No Sleep)

After not getting a whole lot of sleep last night, I've now been up for a couple of hours.  I figured I'd better post about Kai's vet visit while I was still coherent.

The vet is relatively sure that the lump is a harmless cyst, but we're having a biopsy performed nonetheless.  I'm not entirely happy about this, as it involves putting him under, but I need it for peace of mind right now.  On the bright side, we're by necessity being forced to delay the procedure (due to stitches and vacation plans) long enough to see if it will shrink and disappear by itself, in which case we won't need said procedure.

Keeping my fingers crossed for that!

STRESS

I've felt totally uninspired lately.  Even my pagan blog stuff has left me blank.  Luckily, last night the universe and my own subconscious conspired to give me something interesting about which to write.

Sometime around 3:30 this morning I had one of my infamous laughing mental breakdowns, therefore ensuring neither DH or I got any appreciable amount of sleep whatsoever.  What happens is I find something totally boring and mundane just hilarious.  Maybe it's funny in some dark and twisted way.  Or maybe it just causes that extra little bit of stress that sends me over the edge.  Either way, I start laughing.  And keep laughing.  I literally can't stop.  I eventually start to cry as well, but I don't stop laughing.  Oh, no.  I'm told by those who have observed it that the laughter is tinged with hysteria, and that the episodes are pretty darn frightening to watch.

These breakdowns have only happened a handful of times in my life, but they're pretty memorable.   They only occur when I've been under large amounts of stress for extended periods, and I guess I just hadn't realized just how stressed I've been.  Maybe that's why I've been so unable to be creative in any way. 

After I finally stopped laugh/crying, after I don't know how much time, I started thinking about what's stressing me out.  I came up with a short but distressing list, and I thought I'd share.

1. The sale of the house a few months ago.  And maybe the stress of NOT selling it the three years before that.
2. The moves, both the one out of that house and especially the one to Texas in a month or two. (And do I count leaving Canada, which I desperately do NOT want to do, here or as a separate entry?)
3. The vacation coming up (in a good way) and all the prep and planning and stuff to do before then.
4. The trouble shipping some art stuff to my mom.  (Loooong story.)
5. The upcoming citizenship stuff--waiting (and waiting and waiting) for Immigration Canada to move forward with it, waiting to take the test, finding all the old paperwork again, etc.
6. REALLY disliking the house we're temporarily renting while trying to be glad we have it (after the two we wanted to rent fell through.)
7. Slowly saying goodbye to all our friends here in Ontario.
8. Absolute lack of creativity.

And, on top of all that, yesterday we discovered some kind of lump on Kai's shoulder.  (Don't worry.  He's going to the vet in an hour.)

I'd already started trying to make myself journal again, due to some depression issues.  Now I need to push harder and get back into meditation and exercise before I start having anxiety attacks (which trnaslate as crying and pain in my chest) again.

Surprisingly, writing this post has actually made me feel better.